One day you may find yourself running after a potentially infanticidal male capuchin monkey though a dense and seemingly endless bamboo patch. As the male bolts away, leaving you behind as you attempt to negotiate stalk after stalk of bamboo, you may decide to take matters into your own hands and hurriedly cut a trail with your recently-sharpened machete. In your desperate, bamboo-hacking frenzy, please remember not to over-extend your backswing.

You’re wearing a white bandanna. And those head wounds are real gushers.