Things I Learned as a Field Biologist #164
If you find yourself handling a penis, it is generally sound policy to know a) where the penis has been, b) to whom the penis belongs, and c) how the penis got there.
These rules hold firm regardless of your interest in or intended activity with said penis.
I bring this up for three reasons:
1) I just saw The Final Member - a charming documentary about the search for the ultimate human specimen for the Icelandic Phallological Museum - at Cinefamily (see pictures above). It is uplifting and touching (and no, I won’t stop making double entendres), and it handily and happily addresses all three concerns above for a number of animal penises, although it does focus on the girthiest member of the order Primates.
2) Afterwards, Cinefamily did an awesome thing by setting up their own miniature Phallological Museum in their backyard, complete with a silent auction of the penises and bacula on display! This was, in concept, a truly awesome thing… BUT as a scientist and student of penises (in so many more ways than one), I was disappointed in the execution. There was, unfortunately, some mislabeling… most notably in the final photo above.
I mentioned this to the owner of another penis (with whom and with which I am happily well acquainted), and he, not being of a biological bent, was unconcerned.
But I am concerned, internets.
If this were a picture of the very talented and delightful penis of the very talented and delightful Michael Fassbender, would we accept it being labeled as Jon Hamm’s Bulge (capitalization most assuredly necessary)?
No, we would not.
Every time scientific misinformation is presented in popular culture, a penis shrinks under the accumulated outrage of a thousand tiny (and not so tiny) misrepresentations…
Fight shrinkage, Cinefamily: Label penises appropriately.
3) All mislabeled penises aside, I also bring this up because my research group have a penis paper in the works! Our colleague Rafa has taken the information we measured on scads of vervet penises, and we’re right now making an effort to publish what we found regarding how vervet penises measure up. You can get a preview above by checking out the abstract for that work, presented at the 2014 AAPA meetings. I’ll share more when it’s finally out there!